Rise and Fall of the Bat II: But what have you, Batman? As one is due to their readers (I think it is plural, I think I have more than one, but would have to do a survey to be sure), in this post we will deal with the first request
the letter, in this case from Teutonic lands: a
"retrospective of the Batman movies "
(sic). Well, nothing, although there are more requests queued, which will emerge, let's start with this ...
The Batman saga, as most know, saga is a very extreme, in which there are both great films like turds gigantic proportions, that its creators are ashamed of having given birth, so just use the dog-eared as chronological order, we will review them from best to worst (in groups two for the input is more cortita). However, as the level of the worst movies of the series is so, so so low, it is necessary to use an infra-scale to classify them Messrs. offal as they are, so in these extreme cases we will apply the famous "ladder of shit" (shit-scale) discovered in 1945 by the British Lord Sir Francis Catologic while enjoying a tasty sandwich of Nutella, which will allow us accurately calculate the proximity of each film to the status of absolute landmark. Let us begin with the best in the series (those who want to hear me curse you can go directly to the third group, in the following blog entry).
Movies: Normal Rating: Good In the interesting first part, Christopher Nolan us Batman film presents the twenty-first century is, like all superheroes XXI century more "dark and realistic" (which mania have with darkness and realism, damn, they are not superheroes and prostitutes in the movies of Aranoa, colorful place them and phrases stupid !!!). The performances are good, the action scenes and also the direction and the story is interesting, though somewhat nightmare sometimes. The villains do not seem much, but saving the ballot, considering that this film is not "bad against good, but presentation of the superhero for future sequels.
In the second part, the director offers us and which is undoubtedly the best film to date of the Batman. The universe presented in the first part takes place here at full speed and without unnecessary barriers (such as the need to explain the origins of the hero) and are two of the most charismatic villains of comics: Joker and Two-Face. The plot is very interesting, Action scenes are well resolved and the actors do a very good, with emphasis (as well all know), the performance of Heath Ledger as the Joker, which gives a turn-anarchist-drooling psychotic the character that comes as glove. An embarrassment for a great actor, no doubt.
Points to note:
- The Batmobile horrible tuned tank-wagon. It hurts to look, sure that the bat-radiocassete eight tracks has not stopped ringing and flamenco reggaeton at full speed. So I would not leave home. - cazallera prostitute's voice that puts Batman tuberculosis when they talk to acojonar (equal original version better, but I doubt it). At times he seems poised to take off the pack of Ricola candies from his pocket. - The "dull-the-balls" that makes Scarecrow combed. Deserves to die from minute one.
- The father of Alfred Austin Powers makes! Yeah, baby, yeah!
Batmanchús
Movies: Batman (1989),
Normal Rating:
Good first, second
Decent
The first Tim Burton Batman was revolutionary in its time. And not a bad film as well, but the truth is that view today lose a bit different ... Still, style is good, the plot is entertaining and also meet actors. The origin of the character is a bit different from the original (so is in Nolan's Batman) and in this case we find that the Joker is the murderer of Bruce Wayne's parents. But if something happened to the story this film is the brilliant performance by Jack Nicholson, who is a joker durra with perpetual rictus smile quite different from the comics, but very funny. If something can not be denied is that Nicholson has always done better than anyone ... moron Michael Keaton's acting really imagine being colleague has the director, but not bad at all.
The sequel is another matter. Here the friend Burton bundles and blanket to the head and once again presents his ego ("Hi, Tim Burton's ego, may remember me from such films as Beetlejuice and The Corpse Bride"). As a result, the Penguin is a sexually repressed gothic full of black humor, Catwoman is a Goth around naked with mental problems Batman is a goth and muscular with psychological and emotional handicaps. You see, gothic Gotham City is more than ever! The consequence of this is that the movie is something coñazo and quite bizarre, but at least be seen ... so yes, I'm sure that if Burton rolled this movie today, his ego will force him to put his junkie- girlfriend, Helena Bonham-Carter in the role of Catwoman. It is the lace that is missing from the movie.
Points to note: - The Batmobile Batplano and are best seen in cinema. Molan mogollon!
- The bigard Batman is played by a shorty that reportedly led hikes shooting (this is what I read, because no idea how measured). - The Joker leads a five-foot pistol in your pocket when you leave the party, which is why many brides take over the movie, no doubt deceived by appearances.
- The penguin eating raw fish to bite ... three cheers for Tim Burton! - Penguin talking about sex all the time, while teaching her deformed hands ... four cheers for Tim Burton!
- What the hell, ALL the character of the penguin ... Tim Burton to the altar!
- Kim Basinger and Michelle Pfeiffer. There can be no better girls Batman.
Rise and Fall of the bat I: Maintaining the dignity
In this second post we'll make a brief repasillo some curious creatures of Japanese folklore. Without further ado, on to the first one ...
Kappa
These bugs love me ... the Kappa are water sprites, a mixture of turtle and human being living in rivers and swamps. Although they eat all meat and fish, you do not averse to human flesh, and sometimes abduct children and kill people sacándoles the liver or intestines sipping as has been its anus. However, there are natural enemies of humanity and can be very friendly and helping farmers at times, especially change cucumbers, they go crazy.
Its main feature is a bowl-shaped cavity in the head, which must be filled with water at all times. If the bowl gets to empty, the kappa loses all its force and may even die. Because they are very friendly, easy trick to make you a bow and they pour water (Scoundrels).
Tanuki
These creatures, like a bear or a raccoon always in a good mood and are often represented by a straw hat. Its two distinctive features are her big belly and huge testicles, which often lead to back like a backpack. It is also sometimes throw them over as an umbrella or use them as drum at parties. As tanuki bring good luck, his figures are usually placed at the entrance to businesses and homes.
often change shape, even individual parts of your body. On one occasion a weary traveler seeking refuge from the rain in a house. One of them dropped his ashes to the soil pipe. Immediately they heard a scream and the room disappeared, replaced by a tanuki sore. Apparently the bug had built the home stretch the skin of his scrotum (and I guess I must chop a glowing ember in the heart of the scrotum). In another story, a tanuki teapot became and was sold to a priest, but scalded when they put out the fire. Are not very smart.
Kitsune Foxes in Japanese stories, have a long life and many magical powers. According to van getting old (a thousand years or so), they are born new tails, for a total of nine. A nine-tailed fox that gets called
demon fox kitsune no
and have enormous powers, including a complete omniscience that lets them know that happens anywhere in the world any time.
Tengu
The tengu are spirits of the mountains and forests, with a fairly violent, being masters in the art of combat. Usually represented as human beings with a red face and nose, extremely long, although sometimes they have traits of birds such as wings or spikes (
konoha-tengu). Usually have a fan made of feathers (
hauchiwa)
, with which they are capable of causing extremely high winds.
Legend has it that the famous general Minamoto no Yoshitsune
was trained by one of the tengu in the arts of the sword, but to me they are famous for the great pleasure I was having to raise three billion steps in a Japanese mountain to see some whores statues of him near the top (see photo below, what a motherfuckin face that is). Endearing. As I find one some day, I put my nose in the ass.
Oni
The Oni are demons / ogres of Japanese folklore and therefore appear in many stories. Usually they have a pair of horns on the head, are dressed in tiger skins and carrying a metal stick spiked, but sometimes have some more distortion.
are cruel and malicious and have great strength, but also quite stupid and sometimes, they have been able to convert to Buddhism (turncoats).
Azukiarai grotesque appearance
spectrum dedicated to Jewish wash in the river (it has nothing else to do the poor, will jubilao). It attracts walkers neglected by the noise and songs, and these fall into the river and drown.
For the time being these voucher, which I have already tired of writing, although I left many interesting in the pipeline, such as umbrellas with one eye, the boy with no face or the girl who has to be dishes ... again. Until another day!
Japanese Mythology II: Monsters and fantastic creatures 
is a known fact that since the early nineties, the U.S. and not cool ... quite the contrary. Practical example: who you asked you to machinery Street Fighter 2, Ken or Ryu? I, and 90% of kids in my neighborhood, we would have answered without hesitation: "Ken" because it was American and was cool. But this character has now finished a bit marginal (in the latter until you have gitanazo suit with gold chains) for the original character: Ryu. Because what's hot now is Japanese. Where are the rice balls and other gastronomic atrocities do not know to pronounce, to remove the burger and Yankee imperialism! I never forgive and Mission Impossible II! Bush resigns, Europe will not support you! Ah no, it is not, well, to resign the new ...
Therefore, as my personality is flatter than a stick-stack of Panini and always go with the largest pressure group, it seemed interesting to a small summary of the creatures and more entertaining Japanese myths I know, without going into too much detail. If the idea succeeds, we will expand to the mythologies of other countries (Nordic, Greek, cthulhuiana, etc.). So, here we go, but beware if you look for information because the conversions of the names to the western alphabet (Romaji) are confusing and varied ...
The origin of Japan
According to Shinto myths, Japan was created by a pair of gods:
. Once on land, Izanagi thrust his spear into the primordial matter of the earth, taking it out later, which drops fell, they formed the island of Onokorojima. Then, as a good match, they started to give the issue of sexual union and formed the other islands (about fourteen). The next time I got to him, born an almost infinite number of gods (or kami): water, wind, flowers, etc.. Unfortunately, the birth of the god of fire killed for Izanami during labor. Izanagi beheaded the god of fire and fell into the realm of shadows to get his wife back from there without it and horrified at having seen his body decomposed. His wife, in revenge for the frightened, promised to kill a thousand people every day.
To purify, Izanagi decided to wash the body and this ritual came the other deities:
Amaterasu (sun goddess and deity of Shintoism, which arose from his left eye),
Tsukuyomi (god of the moon right eye) and Susano-o
(god of the sea and storms, nose). Japan's imperial family is supposed to be descended from Amaterasu and direct line are considered, therefore, almost by birthright gods.
As a curiosity, Amaterasu and Susano-o are the stars of the game
Okami,
already mentioned in a previous blog entry.
The three imperial treasures
When Susano-o began to devastate the earth with its storms, in a dispute with Amaterasu, the latter took a major tantrum and retired to a cave , blocking the entrance with a large stone. The world was plunged into darkness and demons ruled the earth. To make out, Ame-no-
Uzume, goddess of fun fiestuqui and hung a
magatama and a mirror from a tree at the entrance of the cave and began to dance seductively. Amaterasu, attracted by the dance, came by the cave entrance (the light beam that emerged is what is known as Dawn) and was fascinated by his own reflection in the mirror, because she had never seen his own light. The gods took advantage and closed the cave, convincing her to stay with them. Magatama mirror and thus became two of the imperial treasures of Japan (legendary, of course). The third came out of ...
The fight against the monster Orochi
Of course, Susano-o was not going to go piss off scot-free after Amaterasu, so it was expelled from heaven. Once on land, in the province Izumo, he met an elderly couple who begged for help: every seven years had to sacrifice one of his daughters to
Yamata-no-Orochi
, the eight-headed monster. So far, they had sacrificed to seven and they only had one, called Kushinada. Susano-o loved her and decided to help, in exchange for his daughter, in addition to asking eight barrels of sake.
To protect his future wife, became a comb and put it in his head. He offered the barrels of sake to the monster, one for each head, and got drunk while he slept. God quietly cut off the eight heads and found in one of the tails monster a legendary sword (according to Wikipedia is the Japanese equivalent of Excalibur), which later was named Kusanagi and became the third treasure of Japan. After giving this sword to Amaterasu, the dispute was settled and Susano-o returned to its rightful place.
One day, an elderly woman found a giant peach floating in the river. " After getting open at home with the help of her husband, were to be a picnic and found with surprise that Inside was a living child, a gift from the gods. This child grew taller and stronger than other children his age and went one day to the Oni Island, inhabited by many demons, with the noble purpose of heating the muzzle. By the way, Momotaro meet a monkey, a dog and a pheasant, which convinces him in his journey, in exchange for a small bribe of food (the bugs do not know na) Together, the four fight demons and get back victorious, with a hero Momotaro.
Urashima Taro and
Dragon Palace
Urashima Taro, a fisherman by profession, he rescues a day to a small turtle on the beach. Some time later, receives a visit from another turtle that reportedly saved the tortoise was a daughter of the Emperor of the Sea, you want to thank you in person. Taro, equipped with a brand new guts courtesy of the turtle, go into the palace of the Dragon God at the bottom of the sea, where he met the emperor and his daughter, and get a strange box as a gift, which will not be opened under any circumstances.
After a few days, Taro decided to return to see his sick mother, but to his horror discovered that the area had gone 300 years, so that all his acquaintances have died long ago and, without thinking about what it does, opens the box he had been given, from which emerges a cloud of smoke. To dissipate, Taro discovers he has become a very old man with a long white beard. From the ocean comes the voice of the princess who says "I told you not to open it, because inside the box were locked your lost years." is also quite obvious that the Master Roshi's Dragon Ball is based, among others, in this character.
Although there are many more stories to tell, I think that as a sample is enough. Japanese mythology is as rich as any in Europe, making it impossible to cover much more around here (mostly because I intend that this entry is legible). If anyone is interested in the subject, tell me and prepare another delivery with some more. For now, it's time to move on to discuss some curious monsters in the next inning.
Japanese Mythology I: Myths and folk tales
epic fantasy literature is one of my favorite genres. Unfortunately, when you buy a book of this kind never know, a priori, to be found to open it. The most attractive front and back often involve colossal cowbirds (Epic instead) and guided by the summary of the argument is often not a good idea ... as is usually advisable to look at the author's name. But what happens when you see a book shop of a designer who has not heard in your life, with some pretty awful covers (not the new edition) and an unknown publisher? Normally, neither view, and that's what happened to me with these books, until someone had the great detail of recomendármelos. With that, I am enjoying one of the best fantasy sagas I have read in a long time.
"The sword of Destiny has two blades, Geralt. One is you ... And the other is death. " If something has the fantasy epic is a genre that is often very corseted, full of clichés and rather repetitive. From" The Lord of the Rings "to this day, you can not said to have gone too ... Luckily, the author Andrzej Sapkoswki
, of \u200b\u200bPolish origin, and highly respected novelist in his native country, decided to take a breath of fresh air to the genre with this series of books, ending with the idea of traditional heroes and evil villains trying to plunge the world into darkness. In the world of Geralt no heroes, only ordinary people and currents ranging between good and evil. Nor is there a world of light to save, because the world of Geralt has always been dark, like ours, can not save in any way. Absolute black or white does not exist in this world, but only shades of gray. The series consists of seven books, although today in Spain have been published only six of them express wish of the "exquisite" editorial that publishes.
But from the argument, which is what matters, the series chronicles the misadventures of Geralt of Rivia
"Kaer Morhen ... They produced a few like me. I do not, and now no one lives in Morhen Kaer. Nobody except Vesemir. Who is Vesemir Questions? Is my father. Why do I look surprised? What is so strange to you? Everyone has a father. Mine is Vesemir. It is not my real dad, but who cares? No I know my real father, or my real mother. I do not know if they are alive. And indeed, it does not matter much to me.
"
A sorcerer is required to be neutral at all times, even if Geralt has its own code of ethics and his life is a continuous succession of elections in which there is no room for the right decisions, only for choosing the lesser evil (very common issue in this saga). Often the monster that seeks to kill Geralt is more worthy to continue living that the very people he has hired to exterminate. Something similar happens in the themes of love, with the relationship maintained with the powerful Geralt Verenberg Yeneffer witch of a woman who was cold, cruel and highly traumatized, that is at all times Geralt use for their purposes and despise, but is also able to defend to the death for feelings that are unable to acknowledge even to itself.
also Geralt's world is not a fantasy world to use ... it is true that there are elves (and dwarves), but in the world of Geralt living either in ghettos marginalesentro of cities, where the tolerated, barely, as second class citizens, well isolated from the rest of the world trying to regain its lost glory by guerrilla attacks that only manage to lower your race, now almost extinct. In addition, Elves are beings of light, but they are so cruel (or more) as humans with those trying to finish, often enjoying the torture and execution of prisoners. The monsters are not the usual genre, but much closer to European folklore (werewolf, vampires, ghouls, strigose ...). In fact, we can say that the world of Geralt is much more like the European Dark Ages than a traditional fantasy world: there are wars, dirt, disease, prostitution, illiteracy, witch burning, rape, racism ... nothing do with the usual topics for which gender runs.
"If want justice, hires a sorcerer "Graffiti at the University of Oxenfurt literary terms, the series is infinitely better written and more elaborate than the average of the novels of this genre, in addition to an excellent translation English edition. These are books that should not be left to read for any fan of epic fantasy. The first two (The Last Wish and The Sword of Destiny) are relatively independent of the main plot, so it is advisable to start with either to see if you like the particular approach of the author.
Unfortunately, as sometimes happens in this country, publishers English people are real money-grubbing scum and care about and have already shown on many occasions his audacity and his balls of steel, showing that give a shit about the opinion of the customers themselves who pay the bills. I will not go into this subject because I do not like, but it is a pity that the culture is in the hands of mercenaries of this type. So I can not recommend that you buy some because I will not be me who makes one book sell more to these little characters, but if you succeed in the media that you come well and read it, they are highly recommended.
The film and the series In Poland, Geralt is so popular that has series and movie. Obviously, here we have not smelled (and it seems better, since they say they are both highly infected), so I have little to say about it ...
The Witcher: The Videogame (PC)
In 2007, the company released the CD Projekt as a continuation of the adventure game Geralt of Rivia, which continue the story where the novels ended. Although thought to dedicate a blog post just for him (because he deserves it), I think it is better to make a brief here. There is also a mobile version and a flash game, but I strip it ...
I'm no fan of RPGs Western-style, style Diablo or World of Warcraft. I do not like its gameplay and supremely bored me, but nevertheless this game could not stop playing it from start to finish, despite being the same gender. The story is great, much more mature than any other game of the same type (as in novels, here is drugs, alcohol, gambling, prostitutes ...) and does not detract in any way to its literary counterpart. The game world is perfectly formed and the music is worthy of any production film. A real blockbuster, which, as in the novels often have to choose between the lesser evil ... kill the werewolf (werewolf) that kills criminals in the city, breaking the heart of his betrothed, or let live? "We support the order of knighthood which aims to wipe out the elves terrorists or help them to survive and support them in their slaughter of humans? As in the novels, no decision is better than another, nor will it make Geralt a better person, a person just like any other.
Stresses especially Geralt animation, made with capture movements. It is a joy, especially at higher levels, making him perfectly inhuman stunts strung at full speed, killing monsters like a meat grinder, without giving them time to breathe. And if you decide to end your health dopándote with the poisons of sorcerers, long story ... yes, do not forget to skin the monsters to show that you kill and collect your pay, that something must be live!
The introduction of the game is almost perfect adaptation of the first story of character and is very spectacular.
you leave it here for you to see because it's the best of introductions you can enjoy today.
The horror ... 
The first one, Batman Forever, it detaches completely from the universe TimBurtoniano of the first two films and shows us a Gotham full of neon and graffiti, with an atmosphere that would fill with pride Manolo, the owner of the brothel of your people. The director's excuse is that "wanted to return to camp batman more than 60" ... well you could have become quite the womb of your mother, incompetent bastard! Everything is wrong is this movie, everything is horrible, although it pales in comparison to the grandeur of the next installment, but do not advance. OTHER EVENTS ... Val Kilmer and Chris O'Donnell are in prison, Jim Carrey is more histrionic than ever, dressed as a clown and tabletting to the bars, Tommy Lee Jones (actor whom I respect) is the entire movie with a rubber mask of Tinos, which would blush shame on the owners of the post Christmas in the Plaza Mayor ... do not know what else to say, the argument is absurd, something of a machine to control people or so (it's not even want to check). A gruesome spectacle, really ... Joel Schumacher, I ask you please do me a favor and die. Ya. 
Let's go to the next and, thank God, last. Adjectives do not know what to put this travesty, really ... I understand the above, how bad it is, can do funny, but this the only laughter it provokes is that laugh hysterically and unhealthy caused by the slow descent into madness ... The cast of the film, the truth is that it is misleading: we have George Clooney as Batman, Uma Thurman as Poison Ivy, a Schwarzenegger as Mr. Freeze ... everything seems decent ... but just seeing the first five minutes you realize you're attending one of the most spectacular film of the story. No exaggeration to say that this is probably the worst movie I've ever seen, behind garbage as "Cube 2", "Battle Royale 2", all of Takashi Miike or "Karate to death in Torremolinos", to name some zurullones. And if not the worst, is in the top 3 most certain. 
The Dark Knight (2008) 
To protect his future wife, became a comb and put it in his head. He offered the barrels of sake to the monster, one for each head, and got drunk while he slept. God quietly cut off the eight heads and found in one of the tails monster a legendary sword (according to Wikipedia is the Japanese equivalent of Excalibur), which later was named Kusanagi 
"I believe in the sword. As you see, take two. Every witch has two swords. The evil people said that the silver is for freaks and iron for people. Of course not true. 
, almost extinct member of the guild of witches, mutants hunt monsters for a living, and its Cintra Cirilla protected. Cirilla is, as Geralt years ago, a "girl's Surprise, a name given to children resulting from a deal with a wizard that asks you to pay for their services as" what you find at home and do not expect "(which may well be the lover of your wife, but also an unexpected child.) These children are given in Kaer Morhen, the strength of sorcerers, a large amount of deadly poisons in the call Proof of Herbs, most often end up killing them, but occasionally mutate making them immune to disease, increase your reflexes, making them able to see in the dark and making them completely sterile, among other things ... And thanks to this mutation, they can consume various alchemical potions, poisonous to humans, other benefits given to them in combat. Normally a witch charged with two swords, a silver for monsters and steel for those times that diplomacy is useless ... Sometimes, a witch is usually the only way for ordinary people to do away with the supernatural beings that beset them and the only way have to seek justice, but they are regarded with suspicion and barely tolerates them, believing it brings misfortune. As you see, and the witches themselves, despite fulfilling a vital function annihilated without a second thought to many children to swell their ranks. 
The film and the series 
that as almost always a very good job. The story does not lose interest at any time, including a very surprising twist ending, the kind that make you drop a "But what the fuck ?"... and a smile from ear to ear. 
